I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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