Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
