Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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