Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want nice things and good sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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