After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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