I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
