I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
