i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
