why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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