I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
