that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Say something about gay babies.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
