I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
