speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
