So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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