New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
