my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you win again, gameday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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