hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
