So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
