You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize