I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
