i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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