we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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