rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
