btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
