so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
