I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
