I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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