What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
