the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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