Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
