Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
