Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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