I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
