I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
