"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
