My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
