You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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