drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
