I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
