I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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