So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
