Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
