We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What drink are we having for lunch?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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