I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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