Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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