her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
