I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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