let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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