Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
