Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
