We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
