The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
