I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize