my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we're chasing vodka with high fives
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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