Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
