well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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