So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
