I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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