do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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