i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
