I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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