woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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