so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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