True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
