He is an equal opportunity slut.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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