so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
