there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
