put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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