i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
