im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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