...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize