you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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