Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
