I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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