More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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