I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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