I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
