I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
