my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
