i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
