his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
