We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
