jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
