Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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