Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
