So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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