You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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