Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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