You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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