YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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