Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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