stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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