He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
