Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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