There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
